Friday, December 17, 2010
I know that God helps us in the same way we must help each other as he felt the same pain we feel when his son was on the cross and died for us. This is what sustains me in my deepest hours that through Jesus dying on the cross, I am assured my loved ones and I will have eternal life and will be together again. Although things are out of order for those of us that lose a child before we pass on...please pray for our community and this family right now and in the days ahead. I just had a dear friend bury her son at 53, this young man was in his early twenties, my son was 32.....the one thing a Mother mourning does not need to hear is ...this is God's plan or it will get better. I am sure that God has a plan, but I am not sure we will ever know or need to know that plan and at this point I don't scream and cry as in the first few hours, days, weeks, but the pain, the hurt, the realization that this is not a night mare and someone is not going to turn on the lights is not going to happen. My love and prayers to this family. Love and hugs to all, P
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
PS a huge blessing was Austin totaled his vehicle in a pouring rain storm, walked away with only a small cut above his right eye and a sore body. Praising God for surrounding him with special angels that day.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
I do try to trust in God that he has a plan for me, but I really loved my life as it was. I keep thinking that I have to be like an eagle and soar higher than the storm and that God will provide. I am also blessed with some amazing friends that bring me food, go to the grocery to buy my cat litter, dog food, cat food, and some people food, and send their daughter to take me to get a Blizzard and for a car ride. I have one amazing friend that is coloring and cutting my hair at no charge. They also try to keep a pretty close watch on me to make sure I am eating, or that I am not curled up in a corner. I have an amazing son that has had to grow up way to fast, he just turned 27 this week, a Mother that is so faithful in her spiritual walk, and a Brother that is bearing a lot on his shoulders right now. For my fellow bloggers, please pray that I have the strength to get through this. I am still working part time and there are days that I don't feel like getting my head off my pillow. Grieving is emotionally and physically exhausting. I am still thanking God for the blessings that I do have.
Keep the prayers going for my family, love p
Friday, June 4, 2010
Friday, May 21, 2010
He said the music was every where and how you would think that music playing different styles all the time, would drive you crazy but he says no, it is the best. He said there is no mistaking the angel wings making the swishing sound with their wing. He said the colors were so much brighter and there were colors he had never seen before. He also shared that he never made it through the pearly gates, but could see the streets of gold that were unlike anything he had ever seen....This gives me great comfort as I know that is where my Corey is...no worries and complete joy with no pains or problems to face. I also have had some comfort from the S. Curtis Chapman CD, although I tend to cry a lot when it is on, in the song Trust Me.
Austin and I had a good talk tonight, we both had a very rough day yesterday. I think one problem with us moving on with our grief, is we have no closure on what happened, was the wreck Corey's fault or equipment failure. They said he was just talking on his radio when the truck was being loaded and was awake, do you fall that asleep that fast, so know I wonder if there was a mechanical failure and if a truck goes over a huge hill, can they ever identify if there was a problem with the truck. As Austin says there are so many questions. A few days after the funeral I broke down and cried to Randy about what did he know in those last few seconds of his life. Austin is struggling with the same question today, did he have time to try to get out....did he know he was going to die and was he praying to God for help. The Corey I raised I feel would call upon God, he told me he prayed every day and the crew he worked with prayed every night before beginning work and he was in a Bible Study with some of the crew at work. My good friend from Iowa wrote me that she thinks about Mary having to watch Jesus die on the cross and at least she and I were spared that part of death, but not being able to see your child leaves much to the imagination. I know that his body is now perfect, he has those beautiful big eyes and does not have to fool with contacts, that cute little boy nose, low maintenance brown hair cut, and he is living in heaven with others that have passed on. Love you, Mom
Let's hope she gives away more of these sweet babies.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Sorry all my post are bleak and sad right now, continue to pray for all of us. My other son struggles with the loss of his only brother.
Friday, May 14, 2010
As we drove home, our youngest son kept calling our cell phone, again little service on the drive home. By this time he had gotten text messages from people asking what had happened to his brother, by the time we got him his Dad just told him to stay at our house with my Mother. When we arrived home, our driveway and street was lined with people ready to support and love us through this most difficult time...... I just remember crying and crying from deep within and remember my friends consoling me. I can remember one friend just kept rubbing my hair and it was so very comforting. It seemed like we were in a nightmare and I just kept wanting to wake up and it to be a bad dream. Well it has been almost a month and I am still waiting to wake up. I just continue to pray for God to help me put one foot in front of the the other and to let me raise my head off the pillow each morning. We continue to try to work, shop, and have some sort of return to a life, but there is no going back to a life without your child. My youngest son struggles because people think they sound and looked so much alike, he worries it hurts me when he is around. They are similar, they were brothers, but if he only knew how good it feels to have him touch me or hug me....... I know he dreads being around me for fear we will both have emotional breakdowns, but I am told that is a part of the grief process and I am allowed and he is allowed to have breakdowns. My poor Mom has lost a husband and her first grandson in less than 4 months, she is so very pitiful. My husband is a rock on the outside, but I see the toll this is taking on him on the inside. I want to cover my head with my covers and never get up, but I know that is not what my Corey would want and I know I can't do that because I have family and friends that I have to continue to live for. I can't write anymore but will try to post more later.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Bring May flowers!
This is the perfect umbrella to carry around on a gloomy rainy day and it could be yours!
You have the chance to win one in the initial of your choice!
All you have to do to enter:
1. Leave a comment and tell us why you should be the lucky winner of your very own initial monogrammed umbrella.
2. For a second chance to win, post about this giveaway on your blog but be sure to come back and comment by giving us your website address where you posted.
3. Make this giveaway your Facebook status! Of course, you have to come back and comment again that you did it!
The winner will be announced this Friday the 23rd so hurry and enter for this cute umbrella!
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Saturday, January 2, 2010
It seems like we missed the holidays, on the Saturday after Christmas I fixed a small dinner to take to my parent's house and Austin said Mom this really feels more like Thanksgiving. Christmas eve was spent in the hospital with my Dad, my friend's son David came by and visited and a dear friend Pam, who lost her Dad last year and is now getting chemotherapy came by and brought my brother a great snack as Gary did the night shift. My dear friend Tammy brought her signature sugar cookies by on Christmas Eve and Dad ate one and asked for a second one.
I know I am rambling, but one's head gets full and I have not released a lot of my feelings and thoughts in a long time. I cry when alone and sometimes with friends, I find it hard to talk about others that have lost loved ones and are going through the same kind of hurt and loss that my family is facing. My Dad has always been a big, strong Teddy Bear that bounced back from any obstacle. He has just fought so hard for 3 long years and his body is losing the battle, although I know his spirit is still in there and strong.
My Mom is exhausted and has lost significant weight in the last 3 months. No wonder this has been a non stop ride for her also.
Austin is doing well, he has been so good to help with the care of Dad and Mom. The wind storm before the snow storm wiped out the electricity at my parents. Austin took charge of the situation and was so strong.
Corey has also stepped up to the plate and been so wonderful to help, also keeping my house live able. Did I mention that Corey is seeing a new girl that is a christian and comes from a good family......yeah!
What can I say about my Randy, he never complains when I am not home for days and days and continues to work so hard to provide for his family.
I want to say that my family and friends praying is what has sustained me through the end of 2009 and will get me through what I will face in the days to ahead.
I have started reading a lot of blogs and the battles that others have faced also helps give me strength to face sometimes the next second....next my sweet Britney at daveandbritplusone.com has no idea what joy I and my Mom have reading about the sweet, sweet, happy, Miss Kennedy. We also shared the pictures with my Dad when he was still able to see the computer screen...thank you Brit for sharing Kennedy and your life with us.
Love to all....on to 2010.