Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Apparently what they tell you about loss and being numb is true. Our son died on 4/15/10 and although we functioned the first month, somehow I thought once I got through the 1st things might get a little easier. It seems that my husband and I both have been overwhelmed with grief and physical loss this week. I have even reverted back to the gut wrenching sobs while driving out of town yesterday. A good friend's daughter gave me the Steven Curtis Chapman CD that the song God is in Control was sung at my Corey's funeral. The CD was done after he lost his young daughter to a tragic accident. Some of the lyrics are exactly what you live through, lost dreams, crying until you are hoarse, trusting. I am trying so hard to trust.....that God knew the big plan, but why does it have to hurt so bad to lost your son to a part of that plan. Our friends continue to be extremely supportive, but when all is said and done, you have to do this own your own with God's help.
Sorry all my post are bleak and sad right now, continue to pray for all of us. My other son struggles with the loss of his only brother.
Later, P


  1. P, I'm so glad you are blogging. We don't care if you vent and all your posts are bleak... you are just being real and that's what people like to hear. God will not only use your words to help you vent on your blog, but he will also use them to help others who may read and you may never even know. I hope you keep it up because although I can't imagine how it will get any better for you after having such a horrible loss... I know that God is in control and he can do mighty things. I pray that years from now you will still be blogging and God will do great things for your hurt... and we will look back and see the process of grief you went through and how far God carried you through! I know life will never be the same and I'm sure the void left in your heart after losing Corey will always be there... but I pray that God will fill that big heart of yours with peace and comfort and hope and love until the day you see Him again in Heaven. I love you.

  2. I'm here from Brit's blog. Something like this has to be hard. My prayers are with you. May God bless you and your family.

  3. P - I am here from Brits blog and just know that I will be praying for you. Even though we have never met , I can relate to the pain that you are feeling as I just lost my mom (49) 7 months ago to brain cancer. Even though our situations are very different (mine was expected, yours was not) I can relate all to well to what you write. Just this morning I broke down into uncontrollable sobs as that still fresh pain surfaced of missing my mom so bad and just wanting to wrap my arms around her and hear her voice. Time is so cruel to those that are hurting and I have no doubt that you are feeling the same way.

    I understand what you said about not understanding how this fits into the plan. It brings those of us left so much pain so how can it be used to accomplish good? When my mom first received her diagnosis, she told me and my 3 other siblings that as long as God received the Glory and even one person came to know the Lord through her personal hardship and our journey as a family, then it was all worth it for her. I am sure that there are people watching you and reading this blog that you are touching in ways that you never knew possible but someday you will hear all of the ways that you and your Corey changed peoples lives for the better.

    I will be lifting you up to our Father, the ultimate healer and comforter of our souls. I pray that He will carry you through this very difficult time and that you will draw strength from Him.

    Psalm 30:5
    Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.

    We cry for now, but there is a day of GREAT rejoicing that will come when we finally meet up again for eternity and we great anticipate that day.

    Love in Christ,

  4. P - I'm here from Brits Blog as well. You and your family have been and will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. Writing your blog will be a good way to take things you are keeping on the inside and bring them to the surface. Opening that door will not always be easy but it will allow God to help bring peace to your heart. Praying for you and yours - Dana

  5. Hi P, I found your blog through Britt's and just wanted to let you know how deeply your story touched me. Thankfully I have never felt such a loss, and I can honestly say I have no idea what it must feel like. And while I do not know you and likely never will, I just compelled to write to you... Again I am so sorry for the loss of your handsome son Corey, and while there is nothing I can say to ease that pain, I hope it is comforting to know that I am praying for you.
    Love, Erin.

  6. I found this on Brit's twitter site. I don't know her or you, but I know God leads us for a reason. I am praying for you and your family, that you may find the strength to carry on and that peace will fill your hearts as you continue life's journey without a special person in your life. God is so faithful. He will pull you through. My heart aches with you and I am praying :)

  7. While I have NO idea what it is like to loose a child, I know the gut wrenching pain that comes from a tragic loss like yours. I lost my cousin in a car accident just two years ago. She left behind a three month old son (at the time) and a wonderful husband. I can remember a month after her death finding it hard to even breathe. You truly feel like you are suffocating. It is during these times when you truly have to lean on others and allow them to carry your great load to be your "pallet bearers" so to speak. Praying for you right now!

  8. I am so happpy you are 'feeling' and sharing your feelings. What a wonderful idea to blog your thoughts for others. You have no idea how God will use your thoughts. I love you like a sister and am here for you always. CAF

  9. I am visiting from Kelly's Blog. I dont know what words to write except to simply tell you I will be praying for you.